BeChArA lAdKa...... :(Ladka: Matak Matak k chalti ho, Kya maar dalogi, Hamein nahi dogi to kya anchar dalogi.Ladki: Matak matak k chalti hoon, chal hi meri aisi hai, jake apni maa ki le-le uski bhi meri jaisi hai.Ladke ko gussa aata hai sali do take ki londi aisa kah rahi hai..Ladka: 100 rupye kamata hoon or 150 rupe udata hoon, teri jaisi ko apne lund pe bithata hoon.Ladki kehti hai ohhh ho bada aaya bithane wala..Ladki: 100 rupye kamta hai or 150 rupye udata hai, 50 rupye kya apni Gand maraa k lata hai.
......................................
A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?
Me: tuje nahi pata yar!! Mai yaha ticket black karne ata hu..
... 2. In bus : A fat lady steps on my feet : arey!! beta lagi to nahi..
Me: Nai aunty bahot maja aya ek bar fir se karo na :/ :O
3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry yar! So raha tha kya?
Me: Nai yar! Mai to Bas let kar marne ki practise kar raha tha?
4. when they see me with shorter hair : yar! Baal katwaye hai kya?
Me: Pata Nahi Yaar!! raat ko soya tha subah uth kar dekha to andar chale gaye!!
5. When some 1 call me on my land-line n asks where r u?
Me: yar mai market mai hun, phone b gale me latka kar le aya hu :/ :P
like it,if u smile a little..?
-------
Ek admi bank mai- behnchodmere ko a\c kholna hai.
lady clerk- aap tamiz se baat kijiye
admi-tamiz ki maa ki choot...a/c kon kholega?
clerk...manager ko cmplain karne gai..
manger- kya prob hai aap ko.
aap is tarah baat nhi kar skte.
admi-bhenchod mere ko 100 crore ki lottery lagi hai is ki maa ko chodoon kahan rakhu ye paise.
mnger, muskurate hue- aaiye sir aap is randi se baat mat kijiye mai aap ka a/c open krta hu...
...............
Ek kamina baccha Bus driver k piche zor zor se kah raha tha
agrmera bap hathi or ma hathni hoti to me chota hathi hota
agr mera bap bakra or ma bakri hoti to me chota memna hota
Itne me bus driver gusse me bache se agar tera bap bhadwa or ma randi hoti to tu kya hota
baccha bola-to mai bus driver hota.
..............................
Santa goes to Dubai Ni8 Club nd has Sex with a 'local' Hottie.
Girl njoys the hump n makes noises-
Ooh
aah
ya allah
ya..aah khuda
lillaah
ya ali
ya mere maaaalik
Annoyed Santa says Aisa karo
aap pehle Namaaz padh lo.
Phir, hum .. .......................................
Gal :- which c0mputer d0 u hve?
b0y :- i hv a c0mputer wid intel c0re i7 pr0cess0r at 3.3 ghz, wind0ws 7, 64 bit, 8 gb ram, and nvidia gtx, 560 graphix card., , which c0mputer d0 u hv.?
gal :- a pink 0ne..! :D
...........................
Boy - Aunty Santa ghar pe hai?
Aunty - Haan beta,abhi abhi aaya hai.Maggi Kha rha hai.Tujhe bhukh lagi hai kya?
Boy - Haan
Aunty - To tu bhi ghar se kha kar aa..!!!:p ..................
Money is just like an ass... everybody
has it, but nobody wants to give it !
Education is like hiring a prostitute, it
needs both money & hard work
Success is like masturbation, only ur
hand can let u achive it Work is like a gangbang, ten people are
behind ur ass take ur place
Fate is like getting raped, if u cant fight,
learn njoy it
....................
On Vidai, bride’s father gave a note to the boy – “GOODS ONCE DELIVERED, WILL NOT BE TAKEN BACK”,
Boy 2 gave a note to Sasurji – “NOT ACCEPTED IF SEAL IS BROKEN”.
.....................
Mandi ki maar on Sales girl & Call girls,
Sales girl: Aaj car na biki to meri chaddi utar jayegi,
Call girl : Meri chaddi nahi utri to meri car bik
jayegi..lolz... .........................
new agneepath poem
lund ho bhale khade
ho bade ho ghane
ek tola jhant bhi
maang mat maang mat maang mat
muthpat muthpat muthpat
tu na thakega kabhi
tu na thamega kabhi
tu na mod k lega kabhi
kar shapath kar shapath kar shapath
muthpat muthpat muthpat
ye mahaan drishya hai
chud raha manushya hai
ashru shwed muth se
latpat latpat latpat
muthpat muthpat muthpat
.....................................
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Mujhe Aaj Tak Ek Baat Nahi Samajh Aayi Aur Main Bada Pareshan Hun, Kripya Aap Uska Jawab De Dijiye”
Baba Ji: “Bolo Beta, Kya Sawal Pareshan Kar Raha Hai Tumko?”
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Gotiya Lund Se Zyada Kali Kyo Hoti Hai?”
Baba Ji Pahle Muskuraye Aur Apne Bhakt Ki Taraf Pyar Bhari Najro Se Dekh Kar Bole
Baba Ji: “Beta, Kyunki Wo Lund Ko Maze Leta Dekh Kar Jalti Rehti Hai.“
.....................
Ek Dukhi Lady 1 Baba Ke Pass Gayi Aur Boli
Lady: “Baba Mera Pati Kab Sudhrenga?”
Baba: “Pati Ko Layi Ho?”
Lady: “Nahi.”
Baba: “Koi Baat Nahi, Apna Blouse Kholiye”
Lady: “Kyun?”
Baba: “Bachha, Pati Ki Hath Ki Rekhayein Dekhni Hai Na“
..................................
1. roti ka 1 niwala 7sec K baad pet
mein pahuchta hai
.
2. Insani baal 3kg tak wazan utha
sakta hai
.
3. Har mard K land ki lambai UsKe
hath K anguthe se double hoti hai
.
4. Aurtein mardo se zyada palkein
jhapkati hai
.
5. Aur Aap ka dhyaan abhi tak
anghute pe hi hai.?
.
Naap le bhai
................................
aster : Aaj sab bacche ek - ek doha bolenge. Billu, pehle tum bolo.
Billu : Chidiya baithi pedh pe, Usne kiya moot
Sab bolo jor se Raju ki maa ki choot.. !!
Master : Shabaash Billu. Tumne toh Raju ki Maa chod di.. Ab Raju tum bolo
Raju : Kabutar betha pedh pe, Usne kiya moot.
Billu ki maa ka bhosda, Master ki maa ki choot.... :P :D
.........................
Ladka Ladki Sex Kar Rahe Thhe
Ladki: “Tum Ye Galat Kar Rahe Ho”
Ladka: “Main Tumse Pyar Karta Hoon Or Waise Bhi Hum To Shadi Bhi Karne Wale Hain”
Ladki: “Phir Bhi Ye Galat Kar Rahe Ho”
Ladka: “Maine Tumse Kaha Na Kuch Galat Nahi Hai, Vishwas Karo”
Ladki Gusse Se: “Oye Bhonsdi Ke Jaise Tu Daal Raha Hai Woh Galat Hai“
.................................
Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Ka Bade Time Se Affair Chal Raha Thha,
Ek Din Dono Bethe Apni Shadi Ke Bare Mein Baat Kar Rahe Thhe, Jismein Kuch Problems Aa Rahi Thhi.
Ladki: “Kya Tum Mujhe Apni Familly Se Bhi Jyada Pyar Kar Sakte Ho?”
Ladka: “Nahi”
Ladki Hairan Hoke: “Par Kyu?”
Ladke Ne Use Bade Pyar Se Smjahte Hue Kaha.
“Jab Main Chhota Thha, Chalna Shuru Kiya Thha To Gir Jata Thha, Tab Mujhe Uthane Ke Liye Tum Nahi Meri Mom Hoti Thi”
“Jab Main Bahar Jata Thha, To Meri Ungli Pakadne Wale Mere Dad Thhe, Tum Nahi.”
“Jab Main Bachpan Mein Rota Thha, To Tum Mujhe Toys (Khillone) Nahi Deti Thhi, Mere Bhai Aur Bahan Dete Thhe”
“Meri Familly Duniya Ki Har Cheez Se Jyada Keemti Hai Mere Liye”
Ladki Gusse Se: “BhonsdiKe Yaad Rakhiyo, Jab Tera Lund Utha Thha, To Chudwane Ke Liye Sirf Main Hi Aayi Thhi, Woh Nahi“
.........................................
Women’s Life Is Very Hard
In Morning – Wash Clothes,
In Noon – Dry Clothes,
In Evening – Iron Clothes,
In Night – Open Clothes,
Late Night – Search Clothes.
....................................................
Shadi Ke Kuch Time Ke Baad Abhishek Bachachan Ne Aishwarya Ko Kaha
Abhi: “Janu, Aaj Koi Esi Baat Karo Jis Se Dil Khush Bhi Ho Aur Dukhi Bhi”
Aish: “Tumhara Lund Na Salman Se Mota Aur Lamba Hai“
..........................................................
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"
He says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
.......................................
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"
The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"
.........................................................
Admi=Agar Wife Pregnant Ho To Kis Month Tak SEX Kr Skte Hy
Dr=Jab Tk Bacha Andar Se CHEEKH Kr Na Kahe M@D@RCHOD
Bas Kr Kya Meri B G@nd Marega
......................................
Ek Din Santa Subh-Subh Rote Hoye Doctor KePass Pahucha.
Santa - Doctor Saab, Maine Raat Ek Randi KeSath Sex Kiya Tha.
Doctor - Achcha! to Fir?
Santa - Ab Mujhe Peshab Nahi Aa Raha...
Doctor Ne Checkup kiya aur Bola -
Doctor - Saale Bhosdi Ke....
....Peshab Karne Se Pehle Condom To Utar Leta..
............................
Boyz face one problem when they see a sexy girls ...
Underwear Tight ..
................................
Aami Shotti Bolchi..
Ya Ya Ya.. :D :D
Aami Shotti Bolchii :P
Vidya Pregnant Balan :P
DIRTY PICTURE mein itne kaand kiye ki next film mein Pregnant hi hogai :P
.................................
Boy-i like the soft thing behind ur bra..
girl-what?
.
.
.
.
.
boy-ur heart....
Girl-i love to sit on the big thing between ur legs
boy-what?
.
.
.
.
.
girl-ur bike..... ..........................
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
............................
Ek Hakla Suhagrat me- Jaan.! Aaj
main tumhe Chu... Chu.. Chu.. Chu..
BIWI Kapde Utar ke Boli- Chumle,
Chusle, Chodle, Chaatle. par ye Chu-
Chu band kar Chutiye...
..........................
In A Car Show Room Sexy Salesgirl:- What Colour Would U Like 4 Ur Car Sir..??
Crazy Customer :- Do U Have Vaginish Pink, Booby Cream, Nippling Pink or Sperm-ish White..?
Sales Girl after a pause:- Sorry Sir, We Only Have Periodic Pink, Chootar Brown or Lundish Red n Jhantish Black... Which 1 Would U Like Sir....? ......................
Pati: Tumhare BOOBS Ki Photo Le Leta Hu, Taaki Unhe Hamesha Dekh Saku.
Patni: Main Tumhare Uski Photo Le Leti Hu. Kam Se Kam Photo Toh Badi Karwa Loongi.
...........................................
Amir ladki ne garib ladke se puchha tumhara land itna bada Q he?
Garib-garibi ki vajah se.
Girl-wo kaise?
Boy-bachpan me mere paas aur koi khilona nahi tha.:p
......................
PAThAN: IMportd
CoNdoM hY..
DukAndAr: SiZE bAtAo..
PAthAn: SizE to
mALooM nAhi..
DukAndAr: sAmNe
kAmrE mE TAbLe mE
HoLE hAi, us mai LuN
daAl kr SizE CHecK kAr k
aAo..
PAthAn wApAs ayA to
DukAndAr nE poochA
kon sa size DooN..
PAthAn: CoNdoM k0 GoLi
mAr0 TAbLE kitnEy ka
Hy.. Rakhi Sawant ne Sabzi Mandi me 2 feet Muli dekh kar Puchha - Ye kya hai?
Sabziwala - mdm , Hamare liye to ye"MULI" Hai , magar Aap ke liye to ye"MAMULI" Hai :P
....................
Akbar-Hamari Mooch me kitney Baal hai?
Birbal-12256
A-Agar kum/zyda hon?
B-kam ho to Begum ki jhanto me fasey hogey or Zyda ho to Jhantey Muchh me fasi hogi..=))=D:D
........................Daughter: Mummy that man gave me 10 rupees to climb that tree.
Mother: stupid! He wanted to see ur panty.
Daughter: I am clever i didn't wear any of them.....................................
.....................
Cinema hall me
Ladki boyfriend se : "Mere baju wala mutth maar raha hai..."
Boyfriend : "just ignore him"
: "I can't ignore....He is using my hand..."
............................................
Ek baar pandit ji ki taang pe garam chai gir gayi aur unki thighs bhi jal gayi. Pandit ji doctor ke paar gaye.
Doctor ne burnol aur Viagra prescribe kar di.
Pandit to doctor: "Doctor Saab, burnol to samajh mein aa gayi... par ye viagra kis liye?"
Doctor: "Pandit Ji, ye dhoti to utha ke rakhne ke liye !"
.............................
"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then,'' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest p#n#s the nurse had ever seen.
Width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery and the length was less than half of the AAA battery!!
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell tothe floor laughing.
Ten minutes later she was able tostruggle to her feet and regain her composure.
"I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On myhonour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen,'' Fred replied. She ran out of the room
.......................................
Teacher Ne Class Mein Student Se Puchha.
.
“Batao Bachon Sab Se Zyada Dard Kab Hota Hai?”
Ek Ladki Uthi Aur Boli.
“Ji Mam, Delivery Ke Waqt”
...
Piche Se Pappu Khada Hua Aur Huste Hue Bola.
.
“Mam, Isse Kuch Nahi Pata, Issne Kabi Tatton Pe Laat Nahi Khayi Hai“
................................
A girl with his boyfriend opened her legs inviting him 2 f**k n asked:what will the name of our baby?
He wears a condom n say:if he will born his name is "MAGICIAN"
..........................................
my graduation speech:
"First, I'd like to thank Google..
Secondly, I'd like to thank Copy and
Paste, baki sab machudye.." :D
............................................
A GIRL Puts Her Fingers Near HOTEL MANAGERS Lips.
MANAGER Kisses n sucks Each Finger
,
,
GIRL: Tell Ur BOSS There Is No Tissue Paper In ur TOILET.
.............................................
Biology teacher told all students to draw female reproductive o***n.
one girl felt shy and looked down.
sardar boy shouted - mam she is copying.
.....................................
A Lady saw her boss's zip
open.
She told: sir, ur garage door is
open.
Boss: Did u c my Pulsar?
Lady: No, i saw an old Luna wid two punctured tyres.
.............................
Lady-Thoda Piche Hoke Khade Raho..
MAN: Piche Se Log Dhakka Mar Rahe he
LADY: 4 Bacho Ki Maa Hu Dhakka marne or Gannd Marne Me Farq Samjhti Hu... :D
....................................
1 Pinjrey me 50 Bandaria or
1 Bandar chhodaa
Gaya ,
Or Elaan hua k jo 1 mint me Bandar ko pehchan kar Pakad le ga usey $10,000 milenge
1st : Obama gaya Par fail ho gaya,
2nd : george bush gaya lekin nakaam raha ,
3rd : sharad pawar gaya
Or 10 second me Bandar le aaya ,
Sab ne hairan ho kar poocha aap ne kaise pata kiya ,?
Pawar: Main pinjrey Mein gaya or maine Sab se kaha k main imaandar Hoon to sirf ek ne kaha. "LAUDA MERA" :)
................................................
10 SAAL K BOY RAPE CASE ME PAKDA
GAYA Court m lady vakil uska Chota
sa NUNNU Pakd k boli-Jaj Sab
Dekho kya isse rape hoga ?
Boy
bola- HILA MAT varna case haar jayegi.... :D
...........................
An Arab being interviewed at the US Embassy
CONSUL: "Your name, please?"
ARAB: "Abdul Aziz."
CONSUL: "Sex?"
ARAB: "SIX times a week."
CONSUL: "I mean, male or female?"
ARAB: "Both male & female & sometimes even camels."
CONSUL: "Holy cow!"
ARAB:"Yes, cows & dogs too."
CONSUL:"Man, isn't that hostile?"
ARAB:"Horse style, dog style,any style!"
CONSUL:"Oh dear!"
ARAB:"Deer?No deer, they run too fast!!
....................................
What is the Pure SANSKRIT name of
PENIS?Guess.
"MUTRA NIKASAK SHISHU UTPADAK
ANAND DAYAK NALIKA"
kuch seekhlo saalo, Lauda Lauda
chillate rehte
ho......
.......................................
A hot girl removes her jeans tells to her boyfriend, MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WIFE.
The boy also removes his jeans says
.
,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
WASH BOTH THE JEANS...
.....................................
Grammar ki Teacher:
"PAPPU MERA DOODH NAHI PEETA HAI".
Is Sentence me PAPPU kya hai ?
STUDENT:
"PAPPU Chootiya hai, aap hamain ek mauka de.;-)
............................
